yes you have been all of these……

It wouldn’t be a Friday night if you weren’t insanely trashed and on the verge of getting a record-breaking 10th DUI. But how did you get from your work cubicle to this high-speed car chase? And when did someone draw an extremely realistic penis across your face? COED has cracked the secret to figuring out how you went from slowly sipping a beer to walking around the bar drinking the bar’s signature tornado-tini out of a cowboy boot.

Sober All you wanted to do tonight was go home, catch up on your NSFW links, and fall asleep. But your stupid friends dragged you out to happy hour. But seriously you’re just having one beer and going home. And your friends are crazy if they think you’re going to laugh at their jokes and engage in polite conversation.

Buzzed You know what? It’s Friday night and it’s kinda stupid to leave the bar now that your beer goggles are just getting into focus. Why not order a few more beers, take a couple body shots, and find out just how drunk you have to be to willingly take the bearded waitress home.

Drunk Sometime between that last round of shots and dancing on the bar, you’ve become a stand-up comedian and a first-rate politician. When did your jokes start getting so funny and since when did you become so into oil drilling policies. You’re going to do some great and timely Will Ferrell impression as soon as you get back from peeing on your buddy’s car.

Blackout What did you just snort and where are your pants? And most importantly, when did you lose the ability to speak English? In other news, love your new bicep tattoo of you and the bearded waitress getting married.

Clinically Dead That’s a cozy spot in the back alley. Why don’t you just lay down, make yourself comfortable, and sleep it off. And remember whatever happens with the homeless man doesn’t count if you can’t remember it.

Hungover Wow. There’s nothing quite like waking up inside a dumpster on a Saturday morning. A lot of things are pretty blurry right now but you’re pretty sure you got to second base with a raccoon last night.


~ by thedirtytumbler on May 7, 2010.

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